Couples Therapy Session 1

We went to couple's therapy today.  Our therapist, Angela, is tall and willowy and I hate her office chairs (they're fabric and they were wingbacks that were seperated by a table...and then some space).  I hate the chairs because instead of moving people together...they seemed to keep this definite and obvious division between a couple.  I hated the fabric 'cause Ohio is considered the bed bug capitol of the country and I'm anal about making sure we aren't going to pick something up somewhere.  It simply grosses and really freaks me out!

So I just perched there on the end of my chair.  I'm sure my body language said 'SO don't wanna be here!' but it was because of bedbug fears.  Ben just snuggles down in the chair like there's no worries.  (Have I mentioned I'm anal and he ISN'T!?! ;) )  So...she wants to know about our first year of marriage events/issues and how we met.  And, we tell her...

• Eloped (but hid the marriage) Mom was looking forward to it & I was grounded for 2 weeks for falling asleep at my husbands house!
• Had a second wedding
• Ben's aunt harrassed my mom and made her cry because she wasn't paying for the wedding despite being in the hosptial AND having cancer
• Pregnant and highrisk
• I had to quit working as turning green and nearly throwing up on a bride and her groom didn't go over well. (I was an assistant manager aka glorified sales clerk at Skeffinton's Formal Wear.)
• Moms DR. said the suprise of the pregnancy would be too much for her so we shouldn't tell her so it was kept hidden and I was hyperemic.  (I had a horrible case of food poisoning! ;) )
• Mom died of cancer 6 week after our 2nd wedding.
• Dad remarried 6 months after she died to a woman he met after mom died
• Ben had been laid off from GM
• They called him back to start work the Monday after we were married
• Moved into apartment
• Bought my dad's house
• My brother and cousin (who both ran up huge phone bills with 900 numbers and then we had to pay almost 1000.) lived in the house and were supposed to pay rent but didn't.
• Ben's brother stayed in our apartment until the lease ran out.  We were also blessed with his cable bill and his movies pay per view

She said oh...I just meant the first year...yeah...that was the first year.  But that was a good year... :)

She asked about our support system...us.
Family...they cause problems or the nicer ones just don't call/see us.
Friends...what's that?
Work- Can he change to first shift or not work the overtime?...Um...hello...apparently you've never had to work for the man.  When he says you're working or I'll get another to fill your shoes...you work.
Church?

And...wow...here was an issue I really wasn't aware of.  We stopped attending the church I grew up in because of my dad.  I couldn't deal with the hypocracy as he's such a great grandpa/dad to other people...but yet he hasn't talked to or seen my kids, his grandkids, (except when we ran into him at Lowe's) in 8-9 months now?

I started tearing up and I was made to realize how much I miss that community.  That feeling of welcome and coming home.  It just really underlined to me how we need community and moving to Yellow Springs really is the right thing for us to do.  I wish we could go back but...instead of feeding me spiritually I feel more taken from me and it's just not good. 

She wanted to know about my down time.  I actually laughed.  She smiled so I think she understood but she said to Ben how even he gets time alone every day to eat alone if he wants, to tell people to go away (am I NOT supposed to say that to the kids?! oops! ;) ), to use the bathroom alone.  Things I have said to him but he's always countered with that's not alone that's at work.  Look the man on the deserted island doesn't complain about a garbage barge rescuing him...he just smells that sweet stink and rejoices.  She clarified that point and laid it out how it makes one a better parent to have time alone. 

Sounds great!  Tell me how to get that.  She said I know you're thinking how great that sounds and you want to know how you can have that...(does she have espn?!) and we'll get to that.  Woohoo!  She knows how to get you to come back! ;)  She also talked about how it seems that our issue is we don't have a support system, I've never time alone and we don't get time together.  She said she's glad we came in and she thinks it'll all be worked out.

I feel like we didn't talk much about us...but about what and who surrounds us.  Ben thought it was good and we both left feeling positive and I guess that's what is important.  We both knew something needed to happen, we're doing it and we've some professional help. 

Our problem...we're not telling his parents 'where' we are.  I had a 'dr's' appointment today.  Perhaps we can have Ben go to the doctor next.... :)

Oh yeah...she was excited to hear I'm meeting Sandra and Leann next week.  I've been SOOOO wanting to back out as I've never left the kids.  My Sunshine!  I'm about to bring the little monkey with me but that'd be counter productive! :)  But, when Ben, the therapist (who said I had to...), that voice in my head that's drowned out a lot of the time by the ocd say You're going...well....I've gotta go.  So I'm gonna be there girls.  I promise!!!!  Ben'll push me out the door so...I think it'll be a lot more fun than staring at the front door!

We meet with Angela again after I meet the girls and I'm looking forward to all of it.  We agreed to 5 sessions to see how it's going and go from there.  So...1 down...4 to go.

Also!  Tomorrow's my driver's test.  Wish me luck!

Honey